imperfection

February 23, 2009

This post is for my parents. I have this list. Yeah..what list?? The list of important people in my life.. the list of the people i love. Both of u are the 1st on my list. That's how important both of u 2 me.

I'm posting this because I realized how some people take their parents 4 granted. I'm not the perfect child after all. During my teen ages, I was a rebellious kid. Every single things that my dad forbid.. I've did it. I wont share the details here about what I've did in the past. But enough to say, what I've did really hurt my parents. And, I'm not proud of it AT ALL. At that time, I feel I'm old enough.. clever enough cause I'm the straight A's kinda student ( in other words.. I'm a snob). Teribble rite?? I know. I'm not quite the same person 6 years ago.. compared 2 now.. I am all the better person. The childish-me is gone, replaced by the mature-me. The rebellious teen been replaced by the the filial daughter. Only the intelligent part remains *grateful it's not taken away from me. All I'm saying is I'm not the person I used to be. I'm sorry for my imperfection.

Every time I did something wrong to them, they forgave me. Until, at one point, I've lost their trust. That was a long time ago. But they forgave me. It's hard enough to gain their trust back.. But I guess I'm a very lucky person to have them as my parents. As my dad said, once I'm mature enough, I would realized the things I've done to them is very wrong. Now, looking back at those things I've ever done to them, one thing I felt.. REGRET. I know, they forgave me. But the guilt is still here. As my punishment I guess. Maybe I have to learn how to forgive myself.

TO AYAH & MAMA..
I may not say this as much as i should. But I want to say this, I love both of u so much. I am one lucky girl to have parents like ayah & mama. Thank you 4 being there 4 me when I'm lost. Thanks 4 all ur guidance & advices. There is one thing I would never do in this world.. I would not trade both of u 4 anything because having u is my precious gift.

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